she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
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