I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Randomize
