I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
