theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
