I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
