Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
