You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
