WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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