and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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