Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
