WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
