I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
