Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I need to sanitize my soul.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
