sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
