We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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