i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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