but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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