I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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