I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
