dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
