well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
