so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
