I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
