Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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