how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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