My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
