Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
