Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
