I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
