You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize