wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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