Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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