I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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