I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
