Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
