I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I met the friendliest cop last night
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
