sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
