Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
