Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...

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(303): View more from Colorado

It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.

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(210): View more from Texas

yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."

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(713): View more from Texas

So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me

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(613): View more from Ontario

Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.

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(208): View more from Idaho

Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I'm more than my video games and dildo collection

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms

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