his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
