I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
love makes seman taste better
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
