in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
