I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
