Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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