OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
