You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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