my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
