The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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