its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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