I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Are we still banned from the library?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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