her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
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well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
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You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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