Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
