just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
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I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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