someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
