I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
