We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
