he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
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Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
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We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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