I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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