I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
