Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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