why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
