none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
