I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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