I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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