I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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