No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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