there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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