All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
