God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
