is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
