: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
