We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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