Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You ruined the universe
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
