FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
