Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
