What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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