You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
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