Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
