it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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