Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize