it hurts more in the daytime
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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